Sexting for Ani…

Sexting for Animals

Parati Ad Coitus

Agricultural technology is constantly developed to increase our control over nature, and to ensure that our land is one that flows with milk and high fructose corn syrup.

One new development in agricultural technology addresses the issue of dairy cows that are being overstressed to produce mass quantities of milk. Due to their stress levels, these cows apparently don’t have as much time to think about sex, and aren’t getting in the mood very often! So, take some stress off those poor cows – give ‘em a break, right?

No! Highly trained scientists at a university in Bern, Switzerland have come up with a better solution: implant sensors into the genitalia of the dairy cows to measure how ‘ready’ they are – with some kind of cow-libido-algorithm of course, and then when the time is right have a transmitter inside the cow send a text message to the farmer. In any of five languages.  Probably something like, “Hey farmer Joe, u wanna come over 2night? My parents aren’t going to be home…” And of course we all know cow semen ain’t cheap, so we don’t want to go wasting any on a dairy gal that isn’t ready.

The real question is – do we really need to keep the cows on the clock all day and rely on them sending us text messages with their fancy genital gadgets, or does giving them some time to walk about and get a little fresh air reduce their stress levels enough to solve all our problems?


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